Day 16 ~ Letting Go…

This was the first March 14th in seven years I didn’t wake up with a start somewhere between two and three o’clock in the morning. I was restless, but sometime before two I fell fast asleep and didn’t wake up until well after seven. To know why that’s significant I need to share a very shortened version of a very long part of a pretty epic story! Many of you will remember, but many of you have also found your way to this blog community in recent years, and to understand any part of my story is to know something of the journey of my family….

On this day in 2013 our phone rang around two-thirty in the morning notifying us that our daughter, Kelsey had been in a serious car accident, was being air-lifted to a trauma hospital in Houston and we should come right away. As Tom was gathering details from the highway patrol officer I found myself downstairs, circling my living room in the most desperate, frantic prayer I’d ever prayed before, asking God to please, please just let her live, or at least make it until one of us could get to her….and His three very distinct and calm words spoken clearly to my heart, “I’ve got her.”

And He did….

Though she was severely injured, and it would take many months of hospitalization and many more of rehab. and relearning how to manage every part of life in a new way, she would tell you she has done much more than merely survive; she is thriving in every way!

 

But it’s been a hard journey, ya’ll… we faced that year as a family of four, and the next year we were only three with the loss of our son and Kelsey’s brother….it’s still so hard to believe sometimes. So there’s a lot of “stuff” packed into this one little date each year; March 14th isn’t ever easy. So the question I’ve been wondering all day is this…. for the first time in seven years, why didn’t I wake up between two and three this morning?

Maybe it’s because just last month Kelsey married her best friend and I know she has a lifetime of love and adventure ahead of her. =) But maybe it’s also because those three words that God so clearly spoke as I circled my living room in desperate prayer on March 14th, 2013 still hold true today. Maybe, though there will always be a measure of pain and loss associated with this day, God’s still saying to my momma’s heart, “I’ve got her” and maybe, just maybe having my body not recall that moment seven years ago by jolting me awake is a sign of letting go….

Though this isn’t the story I would have written for my family, there is a far, far greater story of God’s providence, His presence in the midst of pain, and His ability to hold us together when the entire universe seemed intent on pulling us apart. This journey has tested everything I’ve ever believed, but even as I share this familiar story, along with the all-too familiar puddle of tears gracing my keyboard, I am more aware than ever that “never once did we ever walk alone” and that God has been so, so faithful each and every step of every day.

Letting go isn’t easy….but God understands all the things our hearts can’t even find words to express.  We just need to be willing to open our hands and let go of the hurts, the disappointments, and the broken pieces in order for God to fill them with healing, hope and purpose. It’s ok if it takes some time….I promise He is with you in the process. He is truly faithful to be with us not where we think we should be, but right where we are, and all along the way toward wholeness.

Praying for you, dear friends, as we walk these days together, struggling with the hard things and sharing in the joys as well. We are never alone!

Love,

Shellie

 

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Your are, You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Matt Redman / Tim Wanstall
Never Once lyrics © Spirit Music Group, BMG Rights Management

 

 

About Shellie

Welcome ~ I am a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a dreamer and a writer. But most of all I am a woman of faith - I have a deep longing to know and love....God.
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