That thing happened again….

The first time was at a gas station while I was pumping gas. There have been many others, but it’s been a while now.

This time I was in a local favorite Mexican food restaurant waiting for tamales I had ordered for a staff potluck where the “waiting chairs” are approximately 27 inches from the line of people standing to pay for their meals or pick up their own take-out.  I was just sittin’ there….waiting for those killer tamales when out of the corner of my eye…..just for a split second…..I thought I saw my boy.

Even though logic quickly reminded me that, of course it couldn’t be him, there were still so many similarities I couldn’t resist the urge to discreetly stare (if that’s possible?) at this young man who had moved up in line to now be literally 27 inches directly in front of me. Looking at his profile, the hair color was wrong, and the clothes were definitely wrong, so what was it that made me think of Brett? I quickly narrowed it down to two things….his build and his demeanor. He had the same body type – same height, strong shoulders and arms, thickish neck, with oh so slightly sloped posture and a very handsome, kind face. Plenty of physical similarities there, but even more than his appearance was the way he carried himself and the way in which he interacted with those around him. Twice he let other people step ahead of him because his order wasn’t ready yet and he really wasn’t in a hurry anyway. He smiled and nodded slightly at everyone who passed and seemed perfectly content just standing there….waiting in line to pay for his tacos, hopefully paying no attention to the teary-eyed woman who was sitting 27 inches away, staring at his strong arms and kind face!

Maybe it was because he was so close, but I would have given all I owned in that moment for this stranger who resembled my son to turn to me and for some illogical reason ask me if I needed a hug. ‘Cause I knew exactly what it would feel like. I knew those arms and I knew that build and I knew exactly where I would fit and what that hug would feel like. And it’s been such a very, very long time….

But discretion prevailed and I didn’t mom-tackle the young man who by now I had pretty much welcomed into the family!

So hard…..and so beautiful at the same time. Sometimes moments like this can set in motion a chain of thoughts and feelings that pick up steam and turn into full-blown, fearful despair. I fear that I’ll never stop feeling this way and then I fear that I WILL stop, because what if stopping means no longer remembering? (It doesn’t, by the way, but logic and reason take on very faint voices when your heart is so full of emotional clamoring.)But there are other times when the split-second, corner-of-the-eye experiences are simply tangible reminders of the physical life and gift of Joseph Brett Warren. More often these days it is the latter, and I thank God for the mercy in that.

This song by Bethel Music reminds me that, “When darkness tries to roll over my bones
When sorrow comes to steal the joy I own, When brokenness and pain is all I know, Oh, I won’t be shaken….”  Our fear doesn’t stand a chance when we’re standing in the love of God. It doesn’t mean hard times will never come – Jesus even promised that we are guaranteed pain and difficulty as we follow Him through the valleys and mountains of our lives. But we are also promised that the all-consuming and enduring love of God will hold us and stand up to that fear until we are strong enough to stand and fight alongside Him.

I don’t understand how God is doing it – and frankly I don’t care – I’m just so thankful that He is breathing new life into this weary and worn mother’s heart and, much as I like to imagine that I’m His favorite….really, you are too. =)

Oh, how He loves us!

And oh, how I love Him back.

Sending big hugs from my heart to yours,

Shellie ♥

Stand In Your Love
Bethel Music

My fear doesn’t stand a chance

When I stand in Your love
My fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
My fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love!
Oh when, when I’m standing in Your love
Oh, my fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
My fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love
My fear doesn’t stand a chance
When I stand in Your love!