It was last fall, around October, I believe, when I was in the car, driving across town and I first heard the song “Good Good Father” come across the radio and I immediately knew it would be hugely popular.  It had all the makings of a “Top 10” hit of the Christian radio variety; clean, simple melody, just enough repetition to be quickly learned, mid-range key for easy singing and a lyric that points us to the very face of God in a most intimate and personal image….as a father.  And not just a father, but a “good, good father.”

I remember hearing it, immediately loving it, then in the next moment being consumed with sorrow and thinking, “this stings….I don’t know if I believe this….how can I believe this anymore?”

I had come such a long, long way in my journey back to belief that God hadn’t forgotten me and my family.  I was learning how to trust Him with my absolute brokenness and had come to the place I was actually singing again…..all such needed, beautiful, hopeful progress!

Then, out of nowhere comes Chris Tomlin, invading my car worship zone with those five little words “You’re a good, good father….”, because I wasn’t sure that God was that anymore…at least not to me…and that made me feel lost and forgotten all over again.  (Thanks, Chris!)

Though I am sensitive to the reality that for many people, the image of God as a father isn’t one that particularly resonates with them, for me…it’s just always been so near and dear.  Even as a little girl, I imagined God being the most loving, good, powerful, forgiving and always-on-my-side big father.  So, though my understanding of God has deepened and perhaps become more complex since childhood, there’s still a big part of my heart and identity that has always fancied myself “God’s girl”, wholly cherished and adored…

This song poked at my tender heart and revealed to me there were still places that needed the light of truth to allow healing to begin, and once again I found myself faced with a choice:  let go of the notion that God was still good, or renew my childhood belief that he was still my good father…and I was still his “girl.”

I can’t tell you I felt a massive shift anywhere along the way….as with most healing, it happens in the small, ordinary moments of our lives that eventually turn into enough time that you can finally discover the growth and healing that’s been happening all along, but I truly love this song now – it’s a personal redemption story of sorts, and this is what I’ve learned:

• God’s goodness isn’t conditional – if God has ever been good, God is still good
• I don’t have to pretend to feel good about the things that are clearly so hard
• Though I am struggling, I do believe God is still “pleased with me” and I definitely know I am never alone.

So….I don’t know if I have clearly communicated what I hoped to with this song – sometimes when feelings run deep they get muddied – but if you hear nothing else on Day 33, I hope you hear that God loves us, you and I, as only the best father can.  I believe He hurts when we hurt and laughs when we laugh and fully understands our incapacity to know why we face suffering in this world.

As with so many of the songs God has used to draw me close in this season of mourning, this one compels me to once again choose to believe.  And I do.  I choose to believe that, though I don’t understand so much, God’s ways are indeed perfect.  I choose to believe that God is good….and to be called deeper still into love. <3

https://discoverlentwithme.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/01-good-good-father.m4a?_=1

Good Good Father
Chris Tomlin