I thought this day might come….
I considered that at some point during these 40 days I would have one that sneaks up from behind and knocks me off balance; the kind of day that takes me back to the early days of loss where I can’t seem to find my breath, let alone words of comfort and hope to offer others. And I guess today’s that day….
It’s hard to lose those we love….so very hard to imagine going on without them, but life is such a precious gift! So…. what do we do?
Jesus told his disciples (and us) over and over to prepare for sorrow….to get ready to have their hearts broken – it wasn’t “if”, but “when”. But he also told them to not lose heart when it came – to remember that he has overcome the world, and that one day….one day they would all be reunited again. I have to believe that just as Jesus knew his disciples couldn’t fully understand the mystery of his presence in the midst of sorrow, he also knows it’s no easier for us….even with all we know of redemption and mercy and grace, “forever” seems like such a long way off, and today’s sorrows are so very present!
I am thankful that tomorrow is a new day and that these days of deepest grief come less often with the passage of time. I have so many things to be grateful for….I could list them and then find a hundred more…..but it doesn’t do our hearts justice to deny that sometimes the pain is just deep….and real….and it doesn’t make us less faithful or lesser children of God to admit it. I truly believe that is where the healing comes….by honestly admitting to Jesus how much it hurts…and that we really, really need him to come alongside us to help us through those places.
When our children were little and were sick or hurt, whether it was a physical or emotional pain, they always wanted to be picked up and just held. Even though it didn’t make the hurt go away, somehow just being with one they loved and trusted the most made it feel better…
Many songs have come to mind to share on a day like today. There are great songs of lament and trusting God in the storms of life – some I’ve already shared here. But as I looked through my “songs I love and will probably use in this Lenten blog” list, this was the song that caught my heart and led me to tears right here in Panera Bread (and then again at Starbucks!)
So many things I don’t understand….so many things I wish were different….but on this day I thought might come…. do you know where I want to be the most? I want to crawl up into the lap of God – I want him to wrap his arms around me tight and hold me until the worst of this day passes and I can see a bit more clearly. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will hope for a clearer view, a more peaceful heart and the optimism that has been growing as I continue to find healing….and I truly am!
But for now, I need to just love Him….and be loved by Him. Through it all….and I mean all….I still love the one who knows me best and loves me most.
Thank you for sharing even this day with me. And there’s more than enough room in this safe, secure lap of God if you need to climb up and rest for awhile too. <3
My Everything
Kari Jobe
Rendered speechless by your beauty
Lord, I’m blown away
With everything that’s in my heart
A million words could never say all there is to say
You’re more than just a song, more than just a whim
More than just a passing fantasy
You’re my every day, You’re my every way, You’re my everything
If I could see forever, in just one moment I would say
These todays are worth tomorrow when I will see you face to face
I want to be with You, I need to be with You, I long to be with You, precious King
So with every day, Lord, in every way You’re my everything
You’re my everything, You’re my everything, You’re my everything,
Oh You’re my everything
Lord, You’re my everything, You’re all I need, You are my peace,
You are my refuge and my strength, You’re my everything.
You’re my every day, you’re my every way, You’re my everything.
You’re my every day, You’re my every way, You’re my everything.
Oh, You’re my Everything.
