Day 19 ~ Surrender

Surrender.  

Who would think one word with nine little letters could possibly hold so much power over us?  I’m gonna go out on a limb now, and assume many, if not most of us don’t always surrender easily.  We play to win.  We work to gain.  We acquire.  We store up. We maintain.  We control.  We hold on to….

What we don’t seem to do all that easily is let go, give in, acquiesce….surrender.  There’s nothing wrong with winning, gaining, acquiring etc… – it’s just that there seems to be a natural urge to then keep what we have!  But sometimes we don’t win; in fact, we actually experience loss.  We’re forced to let go and everything within us wants to scream, “But it’s not fair!”  “I didn’t agree to this!”  “Please give it back….”

I first heard this simple song that’s more like a prayer, really, about six months ago.  I had begun to take daily walks just a few weeks prior, and had started to listen to bands like Hillsong to pass the time, not because I related to the songs necessarily, but because it brought me comfort somehow to just be a listener – an observer.  I explained to a trusted friend that it was as though I was “outside the door”, not really participating, but tentatively listening from the outside.  It’s so hard to explain, but after a lifetime of freedom in worship, I actually felt like it just didn’t belong to me any longer.  It was for other people….people more faithful and far less wounded, at least that’s the way I felt….

I remember walking ’round and ’round the upper section of the ponding basin behind our house, feeling so very lost and alone.  I wasn’t praying, really, just thinking about how close I used to feel to God and wondering where it had all gone.  There was so much I couldn’t understand – so much didn’t make sense anymore, and I stubbornly refused to accept this was how things were “supposed” to be.  I was hurt and absolutely, thoroughly heart broken….

Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all….(God, what do I have left to give?)

Find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for You
Desperate for You….(I need you, God….but I don’t know how to let go…)

I surrender….

I sat down at the top of that hill, looked out over the now setting sun and let the tears fall….

This was where it began.  What follows is kinda epic, actually, and I don’t think I’m quite ready to tell the story just yet, but I hope to before our Lenten road together ends.  =)

So let me ask you….is there anything you’re holding on to for fear that letting go will somehow be the end of you?  Are there things…or people…that seem too important or too precious to release, even to God?

God won’t pry our hands open….this I know….but when we’re ready to relax our grip and trust those things to His care, we will find Him to be trustworthy, friends….and we can be certain that freedom is soon to follow!

Bravely surrendering with you,

Shellie  ❤

I Surrender
Hillsong Live

Here I am
Down on my knees again
Surrendering all
Surrendering all

Find me here
Lord as You draw me near
Desperate for You
Desperate for You

I surrender

Drench my soul
As mercy and grace unfold
I hunger and thirst
I hunger and thirst

With arms stretched wide
I know You hear my cry
Speak to me now
Speak to me now

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more
[x2]

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a rushing wind
Jesus breathe within
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Like a mighty storm
Stir within my soul
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way in me

I surrender
I surrender
I wanna know You more
I wanna know You more

isurrender2

About Shellie

Welcome ~ I am a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a dreamer and a writer. But most of all I am a woman of faith - I have a deep longing to know and love....God.
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