Have you ever had one of those experiences where suddenly one thing comes into laser focus while all else seems to blur around the edges?  Such was the case when I first heard this song.  And I’m sure it didn’t have as much to do with the lyrics or the music as it did where I was and what I was going through at the time, but nevertheless, this was the song that caught my attention, brought me literally to my knees and was used by God to pursue me…..

I was alone up in my room at my desk, feeling numb – that kind of absence of mind and heart that only grief can produce.  I’d never experienced anything like this heartbreak and I honestly couldn’t imagine it ever feeling an ounce better.  Sorrow can do that, ya know…..trick you into believing that it has taken up permanent residence, and that is exactly where I was that night – smack dab in the middle of a turbulent sea of sorrow with no hope of finding my way to safety.  I couldn’t think….I couldn’t even cry….and I certainly couldn’t pray.  And then something happened that I will never forget and will always hold in the deepest place of my heart.

God found me.

I had put on Pandora and I don’t even remember what station it was….I only know that when I began to hear the words to this song….”all I need is you…all I need is you, Lord…is you, Lord…” something caught my heart’s attention.  I looked to see what the title was and who the artist was and purchased it on the spot.  Then I listened to it again.  Then again.  Then I put it on repeat and listened to it over and over again until eventually I found giant, hot tears rolling down my face as I sank to the ground.  It was the first time I admitted to myself that not only had I lost my son, but I’d lost my trust in the one true constant in my life – in God – and that was the greatest loss of all!

But so like God, he loved me enough to not let me sit there alone…..he opened my heart to connect with a song on Pandora that would eventually open the door that led me back to Him….  It didn’t all happen that night – it’s been a process – but my spirit knew what my broken heart and mind couldn’t accept, that though I felt so alone, I wasn’t – not even for a second.  And with each loop in the song, my spirit reminded the rest of me that all I truly needed was God’s presence to hold me through this horrible tempest until I could find my footing and stand again.

I honestly don’t know why God used this particular song to speak to me, but I will be eternally grateful, and as you might imagine, it’s a bit special to me now, because it holds the memory of the night when God visited me in my bedroom and reminded me that it was OK to be broken in his presence.  In fact it was more than OK…..it was holy.

I know it’s a bit early in the Lenten season to think about Jesus in the wilderness, but it’s fitting to remember as we travel this road of sorrow toward healing that Jesus knows what it is to feel alone.  He understands the summoning up of faith when the evidence all around says hope is lost.

Wherever you find yourself just now, whether it’s on a sturdy rock of faith or you’re wondering where God (and your faith) are while the storm rages, know you aren’t alone.

You are never alone! <3

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“All I Need Is You”
Hillsong United