Day 2 ~ All I Need

Have you ever had one of those experiences where suddenly one thing comes into laser focus while all else seems to blur around the edges?  Such was the case when I first heard this song.  And I’m sure it didn’t have as much to do with the lyrics or the music as it did where I was and what I was going through at the time, but nevertheless, this was the song that caught my attention, brought me literally to my knees and was used by God to pursue me…..

I was alone up in my room at my desk, feeling numb – that kind of absence of mind and heart that only grief can produce.  I’d never experienced anything like this heartbreak and I honestly couldn’t imagine it ever feeling an ounce better.  Sorrow can do that, ya know…..trick you into believing that it has taken up permanent residence, and that is exactly where I was that night – smack dab in the middle of a turbulent sea of sorrow with no hope of finding my way to safety.  I couldn’t think….I couldn’t even cry….and I certainly couldn’t pray.  And then something happened that I will never forget and will always hold in the deepest place of my heart.

God found me.

I had put on Pandora and I don’t even remember what station it was….I only know that when I began to hear the words to this song….”all I need is you…all I need is you, Lord…is you, Lord…” something caught my heart’s attention.  I looked to see what the title was and who the artist was and purchased it on the spot.  Then I listened to it again.  Then again.  Then I put it on repeat and listened to it over and over again until eventually I found giant, hot tears rolling down my face as I sank to the ground.  It was the first time I admitted to myself that not only had I lost my son, but I’d lost my trust in the one true constant in my life – in God – and that was the greatest loss of all!

But so like God, he loved me enough to not let me sit there alone…..he opened my heart to connect with a song on Pandora that would eventually open the door that led me back to Him….  It didn’t all happen that night – it’s been a process – but my spirit knew what my broken heart and mind couldn’t accept, that though I felt so alone, I wasn’t – not even for a second.  And with each loop in the song, my spirit reminded the rest of me that all I truly needed was God’s presence to hold me through this horrible tempest until I could find my footing and stand again.

I honestly don’t know why God used this particular song to speak to me, but I will be eternally grateful, and as you might imagine, it’s a bit special to me now, because it holds the memory of the night when God visited me in my bedroom and reminded me that it was OK to be broken in his presence.  In fact it was more than OK…..it was holy.

I know it’s a bit early in the Lenten season to think about Jesus in the wilderness, but it’s fitting to remember as we travel this road of sorrow toward healing that Jesus knows what it is to feel alone.  He understands the summoning up of faith when the evidence all around says hope is lost.

Wherever you find yourself just now, whether it’s on a sturdy rock of faith or you’re wondering where God (and your faith) are while the storm rages, know you aren’t alone.

You are never alone! <3

“All I Need Is You”
Hillsong United

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak, won’t let go
Fall to my knees, as I lift my hands to pray
Got every reason to be here again
Father’s love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You 
All I need is You
All I need is You, Lord, is You, Lord
All I need is You
All I need is You, Lord, is You, LordOne more day, and it’s not the same
Your Spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Savior once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You’re watching over me
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is You
All I need is You
You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold, You hold
All I Need Is You

About Shellie

Welcome ~ I am a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a dreamer and a writer. But most of all I am a woman of faith - I have a deep longing to know and love....God.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Day 2 ~ All I Need

  1. Gary Westra says:

    Thank you Shellie. I served with Tom in Oakdale and I sure miss him and your passion for Jesus. Thank you for writing this blog, I look forward to walking this path and have shared it with a few others as well. Your words are vulnerable and soothing as you press in on God in and through your pain. Thank you again for seeing how music speaks so personally to the heart & soul.

  2. Anna Tanis says:

    I look forward to taking this lenten journey with you. God’s blessing to you and Tom and Kelsey.

Leave a Reply