Day 37 ~ Silent Wednesday

The days of Holy Week are remembered for special events that occurred throughout the week: the triumphal entry on Palm Sunday, the last supper on Maundy Thursday, the crucifixion on Good Friday and of course the resurrection on Easter.  I browsed several timelines to get a better understanding of what may have been happening on this day of Holy Week in the life of Jesus.  And you know what the major consensus is?  Nothing – at least anything of significance that is recorded in scripture, and that intrigued me, so let’s see where this thread leads with a bit of a tug, shall we?

Some things we do know:

  •  We know that earlier in the week, Jesus was walking the two miles back and forth from Bethany, where he was staying, to Jerusalem, but doesn’t seem to leave Bethany on Wednesday, the day before the Passover.
  •  We know that on other occasions when Jesus was in Bethany he stayed with his good friends Mary and Martha, and their brother, Lazarus, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. It would seem likely at least, that this is where Jesus was staying at this time also.
  •  We know that the day before the Passover feast was referred to as the “day of preparation”, and that Jesus could have been presumably assisting with those preparations.
  •  And we also know that on this day, Judas, one of the twelve, approached the chief priests and officers of the temple guard to ask how he could help in trapping Jesus. They were, of course, thrilled and offered to pay him a large sum of money in return – 30 pieces of silver.

This isn’t much to paint a picture of the middle of the week that would change the course of history!  And there’s certainly no way I can come close to imagining what Jesus was really doing, where he actually was or what he was thinking, but if we use the few context clues we do have, I think we can imagine, at least, what this day may have been like….and felt like to the one who was soon to lay down everything.

A few weeks after we lost our son, I realized I hadn’t had more than brief moments alone since the horrible call that would change the very fabric of our lives.  We did what most families do in times of tragedy; we stayed huddled together, tending to one another’s sorrow, finding reassurance in the love we shared, and that was where I wanted to be.  I think I was afraid of what would come when I stopped running, fueled by adrenaline and fresh grief.  But the night I finally excused myself early to retreat to my room upstairs will forever be etched in my mind in vivid detail….

I was listening to music, trying to tackle the accumulated clutter that had been neglected for many weeks, and a song came on I had heard only once or twice before by Hillsong United called, “All I Need Is You” and it stopped me in my tracks….literally.  I dropped the shoe I had just picked up and slumped into a chair, hot tears filling my eyes and running down my face as I tried to comprehend how God could have possibly allowed this to happen.  After all, I loved God with my whole heart….I trusted Him…. I had prayed for my children every single day of their lives…..now one was severely injured and the other was, in an instant….just gone – out of my arms and away from our family, our lives.

Logic might dictate that, given the outcomes of my lifelong faith and trust in God, I should just stop believing.  I should abandon faith and look to some other means of sorting my life, because clearly, being a follower of Jesus hadn’t protected my family.  I’m not ashamed to say these things did go through my mind.  Sudden loss and grief make you reevaluate every part of your life and I felt desperate to understand what had happened to my son.  Then in the middle of that, comes this song that was saying over and over again, “All I need is you….”, and I realized it was true.  Though absolutely nothing made sense anymore, I didn’t want to abandon my hope and belief that God was still somewhere to be found in all this pain.  And so I made a decision, right there in my bedroom chair through the veil of a mother’s tears….I didn’t know how I would do it, or how long it would take, but if God could put these broken pieces of my life back together, then I would let Him.  I would wait, not knowing if I would ever get the answers I needed, but the decision had been made.  I would try….that’s all I could find the strength to pray….that I would try with the little faith I had left, to still believe God loved me, and that He was good…..

I bought the song on iTunes and downloaded it to my computer.  I put it on replay and listened to it for hours….I stayed in my room, putting away clothes, dusting the furniture, returning to the sobbing chair from time to time, and listened to this song over and over and over again.  Something happened that night that I can’t explain.  It was an evening I will never forget…..I was laying down absolutely everything I ever thought or knew about what God wanted or needed from me, and just…..letting go.

This is something of what I imagine Jesus might have been feeling on the Wednesday that seems silent.  He knew why he had come to the world – had grown up knowing he was to be the salvation of his people, and the world.  I don’t know when the picture became clear that he would have to endure the worst kind of betrayal and human suffering imaginable, but I’m sure he knew it on this day.  Was he finding comfort within the tight, safe circle of his close friends? Was he asking God what he had done wrong to be heading into this suffering?  Was he afraid?  Was he trying to find another way – a way out?  And was he once again surrendering himself to the will of the Father and though full of dread and apprehension…..letting go?

When I offered to “see where this thread leads”, I didn’t imagine we’d end up here, but maybe this is exactly where we should be on “Silent Wednesday.”  Maybe this is the day in the middle of Holy Week where we pause and spend time examining and recommitting to our faith, praying for strength to face whatever the days may bring and most importantly, falling into the one who “holds the universe in His hands.”

Bless you as we enter into the final days of this journey with Jesus and with one another.  <3

Left my fear by the side of the road
I hear You speak, won’t let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray

Got every reason to be here again
Father’s love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord

All I need is You
All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord

One more day and it’s not the same
Your Spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Savior once again

Where would my soul be without Your Son?
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You’re watching over me

‘Cause all I need is You
All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord

‘Cause all I need is You
All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord

All I need is You, You, You
‘Cause all I need is You
‘Cause all I need is You
All I need is You

‘Cause all I need is You
And all I need is You

All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord
All I need is You

All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord
All I need is You

All I need is You
You, Jesus
You save my soul, You make me whole
I’m new because of You

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold, yeah, You hold

You hold the universe
And You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold, You hold

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold, You hold

All I need is You
All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord
All I need is You, Jesus

All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord
All I need is You

All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord
All I need is You

All I need is You, Lord
Is You, Lord

Hillsong

About Shellie

Welcome ~ I am a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a dreamer and a writer. But most of all I am a woman of faith - I have a deep longing to know and love....God.
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2 Responses to Day 37 ~ Silent Wednesday

  1. Juanell Lyons says:

    I don’t have words to express my sadness for what all of you are going through, and the grief you must deal with every day. Just know my heart goes out to you all, and my arms are holding you close. I love you my special friend.

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