“Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him; how I’ve proved him o’er and o’er. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus. Oh for grace to trust him more.”
This refrain from the hymn, “‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus” is one of many that linger in my memory from childhood. And it’s been keeping me company today, like a trusted friend keeping vigil.
I knew this day would come….when what was on my heart would seem too personal to write in a blog. (I thought I could at least get to day 20 or so before spilling my guts…) But this is my Lenten journey, and sometimes what God calls into examination is hard to….well….examine. And ever so much harder to share, so I’d better get to it before I lose my nerve. =)
Here’s the thing: I sometimes have a hard time trusting. And I don’t mean trusting that it won’t rain on my outdoor BBQ, or trusting that there will be a smidgeon of ice cream left in a corner of the container. For the most part I’m a pretty easy-going gal. I trust lots of people in my life with very little problem. If I get hurt, I make a mad dash into the arms of my God and comforter for help and healing.
But here’s the BIG thing…..sometimes I have a hard time trusting…..God.
Do I believe God is trustworthy? Absolutely! Do I know in my gut that God is good and would never lead me into harm for harm’s sake? Of course! Do I find rest in the words of scripture that confirm God’s love and care for me? Yes!
Absolutely! Of course! Yes!
So…..why is it still so hard sometimes to just let go…..and…..trust?
Have you ever participated in a “trust fall?” You know, where you partner with another person and the person in front faces away from you and then…..falls….straight backwards into the arms of the waiting partner. I’ve done this several times in many different settings, but the point is usually the same; trusting your partner to catch you when you blindly fall backwards.
Estimated trust falls I’ve participated in: 12
Number of times my partner has dropped me: 0
Yet, the last thing I say every single time before the “big fall” is….yep, you guessed it: “Don’t drop me!” I have always been “caught’ and helped safely up. But it still scares me every time.
Jesus, Jesus how I trust him…..(I truly do with all my heart.)
How I’ve proved him o’er and o’er…..(He’s never once dropped me.)
Jesus, Jesus – precious Jesus…….(He is good – and trustworthy.)
Oh for grace to trust him more……..(workin’ hard on this one!)
There are things that God is stirring in my heart. Wonderful things. Terrifying things. And I’m going to have to trust him….I mean really, really trust him. I’m standing in front of my heavenly partner. I’m about to let my shoulders ever so slightly inch backward, and I’m whispering under my breath, “Don’t let me fall…” I have SO MUCH experience with being caught by God….answered prayers, fulfilled dreams, open doors….one would wonder why this should even be an issue for me any longer…(sigh.)
I love the way one of my favorite Bible verses reads in The Message:
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.” Proverbs 3:5,6
Is there a “trust fall” situation in your life? Know that God understands….God knows about our fears and our struggle for control. But I, for one, don’t want to live a life of missed opportunities and half-fulfilled dreams. I want to “taste and see that the Lord is good!” Even if that means I might feel like I’m falling backward for a bit. But I’m believing that the “catch” will be not only guaranteed….it will be glorious!
“Oh for grace to trust him more….”